Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
