i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
