i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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