My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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