I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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