Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
PANTIES FOUND
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
