White coat. Heels.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
