Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
