Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
