Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
