In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
