You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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