i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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