Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
