3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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