i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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