i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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