bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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