Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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