I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
