she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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