Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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