My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
