my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.