i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
