Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys

  (214): View more from Texas

  I hope to god you are high

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  (972): like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys (214): I hope to god you are high http://tfl.nu/z79a
  Replies (12) Good night (3298) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together

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  (651): Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together http://tfl.nu/hjtb
  Replies (16) Good night (827) Bad night (3700)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck

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  (562): about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck http://tfl.nu/779f
  Replies (33) Good night (1173) Bad night (7570)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

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  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (7003) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.

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  (415): Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt. http://tfl.nu/r5l2
  Replies (10) Good night (2582) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

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  (251): 2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary http://tfl.nu/6uuf
  Replies (8) Good night (1067) Bad night (1717)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?

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  (631): I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic? http://tfl.nu/b6xp
  Replies (6) Good night (2335) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.

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  (785): Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini. http://tfl.nu/90ss
  Replies (10) Good night (3464) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar

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  (765): Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar http://tfl.nu/ejig
  Replies (6) Good night (986) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members

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  (217): this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members http://tfl.nu/t6b5
  Replies (9) Good night (593) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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  (817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e
  Replies (4) Good night (2164) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is our new insurance provider?

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  (978): FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning. (978): Who is our new insurance provider? http://tfl.nu/a2lj
  Replies (3) Good night (906) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option

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  (412): I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option http://tfl.nu/ggjd
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand

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  (775): He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand http://tfl.nu/fp7g
  Replies (2) Good night (823) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different

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  (518): Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different http://tfl.nu/lb6s
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (341)

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