your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i've created a new STD.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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