I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
