So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize