I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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