Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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