i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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