The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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