you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
