oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
