so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
