I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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