Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
