Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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