you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
