Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
