i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
