When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
