I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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