So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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