Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
