I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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