Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
