So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
