fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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