new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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