PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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