I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
whose parrot is this?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
