there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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