Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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