I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
