ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
