Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
