remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
