just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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