hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
