there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
