the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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