yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
