he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
