I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
