You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
